“I wonder why he/she did it?” “, “Has he or she been violent to me? “, “I wonder why he/she is being violent to me?

Many victims know that something is wrong when violence happens, but in the beginning, they always wonder whether it is their fault. They wonder if it’s because they aren’t showing enough of themselves.

More often, the abuser has the power to control “where to go, who to meet, how to dress, what time to come home” by creating unbalanced habits and misconceptions, such as trying to replace the other person’s thoughts with his or her own.

Abusive partners and family members often want to deny victims’ experience, make the victim doubt themselves, and even tell the victim: “You caused my behavior and loss of control, you are at least a little at fault and responsible.” Once the victim’s sense of belonging is violated, they will start to find excuses for their abusers and blame themselves for the abuse. At the same time, the abuser is more confident that he or she is in control and that violence against his or her partner is “justifiable.”

You’re not wrong, it’s just violence in disguise

With social and cultural changes and technological development, the patterns of violence are rapidly changing. According to the second survey on intimate relationship violence against Taiwanese women released by the Ministry of Health and Welfare on November 30, one in five women has experienced intimate partner violence. Among all types of violence, the highest rate was mental violence, at 16.76%, followed by physical violence at 7.97, economic violence at 7.2, and stalking harassment at 4.8.

Looking down at the data, Lee Yu-Hua, Director of the Social Work & Counseling Department, believes that the rate of mental violence may be underestimated. “In our service, we found that all intimate relationship violence must contain mental violence. It is impossible to hit or physically assault someone without emotional abuse.”

She is convinced that there is not just one pattern of violence, but a combination of it, such as verbal abuse, humiliation, intimidation, economic control, and even sexual abuse. Lee Yu-Hua explained, “In more than 20 years of work in domestic violence prevention and control, people know that” hitting is wrong “, but they also learn how to avoid leaving evidence that can be used to examine injuries, so gradually people use “invisible ways” of violence. Such as loss of control by anger, or indifference and neglect. It’s not only difficult to detect violence immediately but also damage adds up to the victim over the period. It will cause long-term negative effects on the victims’ physical and mental health as well as their interpersonal relationships and job performance.

Would my darling be violent to me?

When intimate relationship violence is different and can even be hidden and disguised through technology, how can we detect that violence is about to occur or has occurred? “No matter how the picture of domestic and intimate relationship violence changes, the core is that it creates a great deal of anxiety and fear, and often involves monitoring and controlling the victim.” “Lee Yu-Hua said.

“He (the abuser) was a fan of swords and had many of his treasured collections at home.” Yi Ting (not her real name), a client at one of the Garden of Hope Foundation’s Shelter for Abused Women, told us about living with her husband. “After he retired, he used to sharpen knives at home every day.” There was no heightened emotion or violent behavior, but her speech is full of fear and anxiety, “He is not bad to me, he would prepare lunch for me every day.” What she didn’t say is that: she was only allowed to eat the lunch prepared by her husband; Day by day, Yi Ting was more and more afraid of her husband’s behavior.

When you don’t think there’s any direct harm or aggression, going back to yourself and listening to your inner voice is more important than any external circumstances, the advice of others, or even whether there is any real evidence.

“Are you afraid of him/her because of your actions, words, and attitudes in your daily life?”

“Looking down on yourself because of their disrespect and humiliation?”

“Has he or she ever controlled you or deprived you of your freedom of movement?”

“He/she throws something at you, hits or nearly hits you.”

“Did he or she ever threaten to hurt you?”

If any of the answers is yes, you are probably in a violent relationship.

Who is being protected by the Taiwanese Domestic Violence Prevention Act?

Family members recognized by the Domestic Violence Prevention Act, including spouse or former spouse, existing or former cohabiting partners, family members of parents or inter-family relations, who are or used to be direct blood relatives, direct in-laws, and other relatives; Non-cohabiting couples are not defined as protected objects under section 3 of the Domestic Violence Prevention Act.

The United Nations expanded the definition of domestic abuse to include “Dometic Violence” and “Intimate Partner Violence” and applied the concept of domestic abuse/violence to any pattern of family and intimate relationships, including relationships without cohabitation. However, although the Domestic Violence Prevention Act in Taiwan applies “non-cohabiting intimate relationship violence” to some provisions, it still takes violence between “family members” and “cohabiting partners” as the main object of prevention, and “non-cohabiting intimate relationship violence” is still regarded as a special condition.

However, according to the statistics of some county and city service cases provided by the Garden of Hope Foundation, non-cohabiting intimate relationship violence accounts for 10 percent of the total intimate violence cases.

When the traditional social imagination and identity of the family and intimate relationship limit the scope of application of the Domestic Violence Prevention Act, it not only creates legal loopholes but also seems to ignore the legislative spirit of “preventing domestic violence and protecting the rights and interests of victims”, from which the Act enacted 23 years ago.

The Garden of Hope Foundation advocates that the Domestic Violence Prevention Act be renamed “Intimate Violence and Domestic Violence Prevention Act” to reduce public misunderstanding.

Non-cohabiting intimate relationships are also allowed to use Chapter III “Criminal Law Procedure.” We urge the police and judicial authorities to examine whether Chapter III “Criminal Procedure” is working as it should.

May every wounded person no longer need to endure violence and say sorry

“I hope that one day the atmosphere in society and the support around the victims of domestic violence will be strong enough to stop them from doubting themselves because of their abuse experience, and stop them from saying ‘I’m sorry’ so easily.”

The Garden of Hope Foundation sincerely hopes that every victim of domestic violence will not have to say “I’m sorry” again. The violence is not your fault, your kind trust in people is worthy of admiration for the faith of life, you are not the cause of violence. We also hope that everyone who has the opportunity to meet the victims can start from our words and actions, and truly meet the needs of the victims’ fragile trauma.